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DMRnac the Magnificent

Dollars & Sense

All right, I admit it. This is becoming a habit. Let us bring in the DM Review (DMR) version of Johnny Carson's original Carnac the Magnificent - DMRnac - who divines the answers to this month's questions before they are even asked. Yes, even though this material has been sealed in a fat-free mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's (or NCR's, or Oracle's) porch since noon today, DMRnac, the one and only, will guess the questions.

DMRnac: May a crazed and evil Sith invade your galaxy and wreak havoc with your network infrastructure!

A: Cell phone
Q: What do you want to do when you get your teenage daughter's wireless phone bill?

A: NetMeeting
Q: What do you call the move in volleyball where you spike the ball directly at your opponent?

A: Drag-and-drop
Q: What would you like to do to your company's accountant when she tells you that the attestation you just signed to comply with Sarbanes-Oxley Section 404 was ill-advised?

A: TCP/IP
Q: What do you do in a Port-a-John?

A: Verizon
Q: What did the Lone Ranger ride into?

A: Spammer
Q: What do you call the guy who makes your sandwich at the deli?

A: C-3PO
Q: What happens when you visualize a trio of (almost extinct) post offices?

DMRnac: May an overactive android tickle your funny bone and make you laugh uncontrollably when your boss announces his most recent organizational change.

A: Firmware
Q: What do you call control-top panty hose?

A: Job opening
Q: What do all of Elliot Spitzer's targets yearn for, but will probably never see again?

A: Broadband
Q: What do you call Antigone Rising and other new all-female bands?

A: MTV
Q: What do you call a "V" without anything inside of it?

A: Filibuster
Q: What does a drunken redneck good ol' boy ask a bartender to do?

A: Debate
Q: What does de fisherman put on de hook to catch de fish?

A: Ring tone
Q: When a bride has to choose between silver and gold, what is she choosing?

A: Remember
Q: What do you call it when an octopus that has lost a tentacle grows a new one?

A: Asteroids
Q: What do you call the muscle-building supplements injected into athletes' buttocks?

DMRnac: When you feel someone is literally breathing down your neck, may it be Darth Vader.

A: Moisturizer, Manchester United and Social Security
Q: Name a cream, a team and a dream.

A: VoIP
Q: Describe the cause and effect of drinking a particular blended whiskey.

A: Street smarts
Q: What can GPS provide when you are trying to locate an address?

A: A chip
Q: Name something crispy, something served with fish and something advertised by the Blue Man Group.

A: Stay online
Q: What do you hope to achieve when the policeman pulls you over and makes you take a sobriety test?

A: Sonoma
Q: How is cloudy weather described?

A: Downsizing
Q: What is reputed to be enabled by a combination of Weight Watchers and that tummy tuck operation?

A: The dark side
Q: What do you call Alan Greenspan's prediction of housing prices?

A: Extract, transform and load
Q: What do you call a data makeover?

A: R2-D2
Q: Name a couple of cell locations in a wide, but shallow Excel spreadsheet.  


Susan Osterfelt is senior vice president at Bank of America, in Charlotte, North Carolina. She can be reached at susan.osterfelt@bankofamerica.com.

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