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Dollars & Sense:
DMRnac - September Style

  Column published in DM Review Magazine
September 2005 Issue
 
  By Susan Osterfelt

This is DMRnac the Magnificent, once again reporting to you from Funk & Wagnall's porch (or is it Webster's?) where the answers to certain questions have been hermetically sealed in a mayonnaise jar (or is it a pickle jar?) since noon today (or is it 1:00 p.m.?). No one, but no one (well ... maybe someone like Tom Cruise) knows the contents. DMRnac will divine the questions. Are we ready? Proceed!

A: Rounding error
Q: What do you call it when Wal-Mart's earnings are off $200 million?

A: Bob Uecker's phrase, "Right here in the front row!"
Q: Where will Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling's (former chairman and CEO of Enron, respectively) courtroom seats be when their trial starts in January 2006?

A: Petty cash
Q: What did Dennis Kozlowski (chairman and CEO of Tyco, recently convicted of conspiracy, securities fraud and falsifying records for his role in stealing millions from the company, featuring the purchase of a $6,000 shower curtain) consider $50,000,000?

A: Fore!
Q: How many Big 8 accounting firms remain?

A: Blog
Q: What's the acronym for the past five years of corporate scandals (Better Living on Greed)?

DMRnac: May a 300-pound offensive lineman step on your Blackberry and crunch it into "bits."

A: Innovation
Q: What do you call it when your engineering department resurrects a 10-year old project that couldn't gain any traction?

A: Text mining
Q: What do you do when you're in too deep and the facts can't help you?

A: Marketing plan
Q: What do you call your grocery-shopping list?

A: Drop down boxes
Q: What do you not want your movers to do when they carry your stuff upstairs?

A: Round trip
Q: What do you only hope your visit from your in-laws is?

A: KPI
Q: What do you call it when you're supposed to do the dishes and clean up?

A: Organic
Q: To what does every self-respecting CEO attribute his/her company's growth?

A: Iris scan
Q: What do you do when you search for flowers at a nursery?

A: Liquidation
Q: What ultimately happens to ice sculptures?

A: Jet lag
Q: What do you call the plane that is 15th in line for takeoff?

DMRnac: May your favorite NFL team miss an extra point to remain winless, losing you $10,000 on your sports book bet.

A: Key man insurance
Q: How does a locksmith provide for his family in case he dies?

A: HIPAA
Q: What is one condition that causes you to join Weight Watchers?

A: Line of credit
Q: What do you call a verse of poetry describing your good reputation?

A: Office Max
Q: What does the CEO demand for his/her workspace?

A: Scanners, spammers, hackers and thieves
Q: What do you run into at a stoplight on the Internet?

A: An operating system, a portal and a database
Q: Name a core, a door and a store.

A: Biotech
Q: What is Computer Associates' acquisition strategy?

A: Board of directors
Q: Who do you count among the most blas of movie moguls?

A: Epitome
Q: Where is that queasiness or nausea associated with the stomach flu felt?

A: Highlights
Q: What does a baseball hitter strive for?

A: Vaporware
Q: How do you describe a striptease artist's clothing?

DMRnac: And the final answer:

A: PowerPoint
Q: What do you call a field goal in overtime to win by one?
...............................................................................

For more information on related topics visit the following related portals...
Business Intelligence (BI) and Strategic Intelligence.

Susan Osterfelt is senior vice president at Bank of America, in Charlotte, North Carolina. She can be reached at susan.osterfelt@bankofamerica.com.



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