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Dollars & Sense:
DMRnac the Magnificent

  Column published in DM Review Magazine
August 2005 Issue
  By Susan Osterfelt

All right, I admit it. This is becoming a habit. Let us bring in the DM Review (DMR) version of Johnny Carson's original Carnac the Magnificent - DMRnac - who divines the answers to this month's questions before they are even asked. Yes, even though this material has been sealed in a fat-free mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's (or NCR's, or Oracle's) porch since noon today, DMRnac, the one and only, will guess the questions.

DMRnac: May a crazed and evil Sith invade your galaxy and wreak havoc with your network infrastructure!

A: Cell phone
Q: What do you want to do when you get your teenage daughter's wireless phone bill?

A: NetMeeting
Q: What do you call the move in volleyball where you spike the ball directly at your opponent?

A: Drag-and-drop
Q: What would you like to do to your company's accountant when she tells you that the attestation you just signed to comply with Sarbanes-Oxley Section 404 was ill-advised?

Q: What do you do in a Port-a-John?

A: Verizon
Q: What did the Lone Ranger ride into?

A: Spammer
Q: What do you call the guy who makes your sandwich at the deli?

A: C-3PO
Q: What happens when you visualize a trio of (almost extinct) post offices?

DMRnac: May an overactive android tickle your funny bone and make you laugh uncontrollably when your boss announces his most recent organizational change.

A: Firmware
Q: What do you call control-top panty hose?

A: Job opening
Q: What do all of Elliot Spitzer's targets yearn for, but will probably never see again?

A: Broadband
Q: What do you call Antigone Rising and other new all-female bands?

Q: What do you call a "V" without anything inside of it?

A: Filibuster
Q: What does a drunken redneck good ol' boy ask a bartender to do?

A: Debate
Q: What does de fisherman put on de hook to catch de fish?

A: Ring tone
Q: When a bride has to choose between silver and gold, what is she choosing?

A: Remember
Q: What do you call it when an octopus that has lost a tentacle grows a new one?

A: Asteroids
Q: What do you call the muscle-building supplements injected into athletes' buttocks?

DMRnac: When you feel someone is literally breathing down your neck, may it be Darth Vader.

A: Moisturizer, Manchester United and Social Security
Q: Name a cream, a team and a dream.

Q: Describe the cause and effect of drinking a particular blended whiskey.

A: Street smarts
Q: What can GPS provide when you are trying to locate an address?

A: A chip
Q: Name something crispy, something served with fish and something advertised by the Blue Man Group.

A: Stay online
Q: What do you hope to achieve when the policeman pulls you over and makes you take a sobriety test?

A: Sonoma
Q: How is cloudy weather described?

A: Downsizing
Q: What is reputed to be enabled by a combination of Weight Watchers and that tummy tuck operation?

A: The dark side
Q: What do you call Alan Greenspan's prediction of housing prices?

A: Extract, transform and load
Q: What do you call a data makeover?

A: R2-D2
Q: Name a couple of cell locations in a wide, but shallow Excel spreadsheet.  


For more information on related topics visit the following related portals...
Strategic Intelligence.

Susan Osterfelt is senior vice president at Bank of America, in Charlotte, North Carolina. She can be reached at susan.osterfelt@bankofamerica.com.

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